This is What Birthing a New Heart Is by Eva Swiecki

I am consumed by the possibility

of Jess drowning in Lake Michigan.

There is no telling what could happen

because I am afraid of getting into

the water—it makes me nauseous.

She claims she is fine, & after a moment,

I yell, “You don’t want me to be worried

about you?” but she is too caught up

in waves to answer. The flies on the beach

won’t stop pestering me. I am rolling around

in sand, dirty and longing for someone

who doesn’t want me. Jess tells me

to reason with them, as if persuasion

could lead me to be left alone, happily.

What if I want to be tormented? Teased

& unraveled until I spill out answers

the mind secretly knows. Everything

feels saturated. I say there is no God,

but the sky looks like Heaven at sunset,

brimming with purpose—

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Eva Swiecki is a Chicago writer. She is a co-creator of the writing critique group Study Hall Workshops and has been published in Hooligan Magazine, Wild Roof Journal, and Lammergeier. You can find her on Twitter and her blog.