Poof by Adrian Dallas Frandle

CW: Queer sexual content

I was a sophomore when God commissioned me to write this.

Only problem is that then They disappeared.

Folded-up shop & poof-vanished!

No forthcoming payment. Gone & closed the doors,

no more words. Location undisclosed. I was never a believer,

a good one, anyway. Never could subscribe to anything I was told to.

Seems like the only thing I can stick to is doubting.

What do you think? Going to all-boys school for high school

should have been a trip to the candy shop. But it was not.

& not because of the Jesuits (I give them credit,

they really did get it) but I was too guilt-blind to know

what I wanted, let alone act on anything legit.

Didn’t even have sex ‘til I was 20 & back then that was gay ages.

& EJ, god bless him, patted my back while I hyperventilated

into a brown liquor bag, Aladdin blaring on the dinky dorm TV

behind us. Bottoming was a whole new world, but not

a magic carpet ride (at least not for me, not that first time).

Almost had to call the R.A. there for a second,

but calmed myself with three measured breaths:

IN-OUT. IN-OUT. IN-OUT. The thin paper crinkled.

Still he sat with me, rubbing my heaving back like a lamp.

I wonder what I wished then with each gasp.

Was it that God couldn’t see me?

Or just more wishes?

Wish I could ask Them.

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Adrian Dallas Frandle (he/they) is a poet & queerdo cook. A poetry reader for Okay Donkey Lit Mag/Press, they have poems in HAD, Daily Drunk Mag's "Marvelous Verses" print anthology, Feed Lit Mag, & Celestite Poetry Journal. Work forthcoming in Rejection Letters, Olney Mag, GutSlut Press, the “Hell Is Real” Anthology & elsewhere. Tweets: @adrianf