top of page

  You could have a big dipper   

Platonically Picking Out Curtains With Broken Electric Light’s Haywire Remnants by Ellen Huang

or; even / though / back / then

even though back then

my bed was but a mattress on the floor, amidst scattered parts

I had no desk nor dresser nor nightstand

and I hadn’t yet gotten your help constructing

even though back then

our TV was not propped up

and we didn’t know how to use the fireplace heater

and we didn’t know each other’s buttons we’d press

and even though back then

our shower head was not as strong, no misting function

our deep blue bath mat would flatten and dirty fast

and I had no bright red beanbag to curl up in

even though back then

there was less we had figured out, puzzle pieces without picture

I long for back then

when I exclaimed excitement in echoing halls

about how I can’t wait to sleep over at my own house;

when we sat on the floor, watching film from a laptop,

awaiting furniture that we’d later find too stiff

and in desperate need of pillows;

when we picked out fantasy curtains, watercolor

and fairytale birds and sheer willow leaves;

when we cooked/ordered food, the first of many

feasts and dessert experiments (though our first

pie would turn out bland and dumplings an allergy);

when we walked downtown for the first time

and contemplated reluctances to hugs

and hanging plants to have;

when the electric light fell down

and we gasped collectively at its ceiling wiring

awkwardly hanging like an anglerfish,

grasped broken straws over the bookcase in the nook.

I long for back then

even though we couldn’t have known, I long for back then,

when not being close yet was no pain but

possibility, anticipation, potential best friend,

potential sister, you called me,

I long for back then, even though I didn’t love yet

I long for back then

even though


Ellen Huang is published/forthcoming in X-Ray Lit, Next Door Villain, VIBE, Prismatica, Wrongdoing Magazine, Resurrection Mag, and more. She reads for Whale Road Review and is currently working on a fairy tale chapbook and an ace horror anthology. You should see her semi-spiritual blog:

47 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All


bottom of page