Betty Boop came to me in wun rush
and she wuz wearing black biker leather.
She told me to hop onto her motorbike
and we went screaming down da highway
like two hellions.
Eventually we arrived at da beach
and she changed into wun grass skirt
and began dancing foa me
while she wuz also playing wun ukulele
and singing to da big fat moon.
Walking up behind me
she placed da island instrument
on da sand
and den she put her two free hands
ovah my eyes to abruptly say,
“I can do magic. Watch this.”
Kaboom!
In wun puff of golden smoke
I found myself in wun packed arena
playing drums foa Led Zeppelin
while John Bonham took wun cigarette break
and Betty sang wun raunchy duet
wit Robert Plant.
Da crowd went wild
and da decibel level wuz so great
da stage wen explode
and Betty and me went flying into da air.
Amazingly we nevah come down
right away
and we flew like birds
to far off New York City
wheah we landed at Radio City Music Hall.
Somehow dey knew we wuz coming
and deah wuz wun special show for us
cause wun long line of women
wearing Betty Boop masks
wuz kicking up dere legs like can-can girls
and cheering at da top of dere lungs.
Betty wen laugh and snap her fingahs
and I found myself stepping into da bright lights
dressed in wun tuxedo and wun top hat
to dance wit da pretty broads like Fred Astaire.
Dey had da stamina of Amazons
cause wen da musical number wen finally end
I wen collapse on wun bed at stage right
and pass out like wun jet lag traveler.
Wen I wen open my eyes in da morning
Betty wuz all ovah da walls
framed in all kine variations
and situations.
I wuz in da bedroom
dat had all da collectibles
of da famous cartoon character.
My sistah-in-law
who wuz wun Betty Boop fan
wen make me breakfast
da day aftah I wen arrive foa my visit.
While she wuz cooking
I wuz just about to tell her
wat I saw wen I wuz sleeping
wen Betty’s translucent self
wen appear on da dining room table
and she wen wag her index fingah at me
and hold it up to da middle of her lips.
I knew I couldn’t say anyting
cause dat wuz Betty’s wishes
so I wen just eat my scrambled eggs
and hash browns
and made small talk
about Charlotte da pet dog
dat wuz unusually barking
and running around
as if it wuz chasing wun unseen ghost
in da living room.
Joe Balaz writes in Hawaiian Islands Pidgin (Hawai’i Creole English) and American English. He is the author of Pidgin Eye, a book of poetry. In July, 2020, he was given the Elliot Cades Award for Literature as an Established Writer. It is the most prestigious literary award given in Hawai’i.